Okay, WHO doesn't like Sloppy Joes?! They're AWESOME! They get all gross and fall apart in your hands and they are scrumdidlyumptious!
Cafeteria lady had the right idea! But as we become adults, the idea of all that meat slopping down our arms is a little less appealing. HOWEVER, we should NOT deprive the next generation of the sloppiness! So here's a grown-up version of a classic (which I had to modify due to the lack of the exact main ingredient!).
Ingredients
1/2 pound lean (at least 80%) ground beef (I ended up using strips of pork ribs mixed with slices of pot roast - don't judge! It's what I had on hand!)
1/4 cup barbeque sauce (Sweet Baby Ray's for me)
1/4 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (I had a spicy taco cheddar blend that took it up a notch)
1 (8 ounce) can Pillsbury® refrigerated crescent dinner rolls or Pillsbury®
Crescent Recipe Creations® refrigerated seamless dough sheet
1 egg, beaten
1 teaspoon sesame seeds
Directions
Heat oven to 375 degrees F. In 10-inch skillet, cook beef over medium heat,
stirring frequently, until thoroughly cooked; drain. Stir in barbecue sauce;
cook 1 to 2 minutes, stirring occasionally, until hot. Stir in cheese.
If using crescent rolls: Unroll dough; separate into 4 rectangles. Press each
into 8x4-inch rectangle, firmly pressing perforations to seal. If using dough
sheet: Unroll dough; cut into 4 rectangles. Press each into 8x4-inch rectangle.
Cut each in half crosswise, making 8 squares.
Place about 2 rounded tablespoons beef mixture on center of each square. Fold
dough over filling, forming triangles; press edges with fork to seal. With
knife, cut small slits in tops for steam to escape. Place on ungreased cookie
sheet. Brush with egg; sprinkle with sesame seed.
Bake 11 to 18 minutes or until golden brown. Immediately remove from cookie
sheet. Serve warm.
Okay, here are my notes:
- Andy said they would taste just as good with ground beef and to cut the strips thinner.
- Be sure to pull out the crescent rolls only when you're ready to actually assemble everything. The longer they sit out, the doughier the bottoms will be! They're still good, but not on crispy on the bottom.
- It would pair very well with a Caesar salad!
This was an immediate positive response from the hubby, so it'll be a repeat!
AMENDMENT: Andy said they were even better for breakfast an recommended trying chorizo and egg as the filler. OH MY! I think I've created a monster!
I have decided to start including my recipe exploits in my blog!
Andy and I love food (as is evidenced in both our waistlines!) and we frequently experiment with recipes from Pintrest, other friends, and our imaginations! So I will be posting the recipes from the original sites and then adding my modifications or additions (in red) as I deem necessary based on our tastes. So here's #1!
1 (15 oz.) jar Alfredo sauce (any alfredo will do!)
1 (24oz.) jar Marinara sauce (I used one with a spinach base...yum!)
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese (Pecorrino Romano for us1)
Cook pasta according to directions and drain. Mix the sauces together in a large bowl.
Add the mozzarella and stir to combine. Then toss in the penne and toss to coat.
Pour
pasta into 9x13 baking dish (I added 3/4 of a Hillshire Farms Kielbasa link, sliced, on top) and cook on 350 for 20-25 minutes or until
bubbly. Remove from oven and sprinkle with shredded parmesan cheese and
bake for another 5 minutes.
SO
yum!!! If you’re looking for an easy weeknight dinner that’s full
of flavor, then this is it!!!!
Andy LOVED this recipe and it reheated with a better flavor the next day! This really was a simple recipe and took very little effort to prep. It will be a staple when we have kids of our own!
Everyone should get married! LOL! Just kidding...seriously, though! You think you have your life figured out and a good sense of self as you go along through life and then you get married...BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE! It's like taking a stroll through the DSM IV and learning that you have Dissociative Identity Disorder!!
Dissociative identity disorder (DID), also known as multiple personality disorder, is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality
states that alternately control a person's behavior, and is accompanied
by memory impairment for important information not explained by
ordinary forgetfulness.
Let me just tell you! I am no stranger to this ailment! On one hand I am a rational, confident, intelligent woman. And then, in the blink of an eye, I turn into this irrational, insecure, whiny, petulant 5-yr-old who insists on getting her way no matter the cost to the people around her. (I refer to her in 3rd person b/c I refuse to accept her as a true part of me!) My family would probably disagree with me, but I like to think that the first one is my true personality and the other is some by-product of not getting enough rest!
In all sincerity, I recognize that the 5-yr-old is a part of me and she does not know how to rationalize and gets her feelings hurt very easily and it has taken quite the learning curve to talk her out her tantrums at times! When she gets worked up b/c of some perceived slight or she's tired or b/c something didn't go her way, she can turn into this little ball of venomous acid that festers in my heart and comes out in one of two forms: a raging maniac spewing her venom at whomever may be in her path (usually, Andy), or the ice queen who shuts everyone one out and freezes anyone who comes into contact with her (usually, Andy). NOT GOOD, people! NOT GOOD! I am blessed to have a husband who is so patient with me and understands me enough to give me space when I'm working to calm her down and the armor in place to withstand her when she lashes out or freezes him out. (Thankfully, I'm able to talk her down 98% of the time and she's only unleashed one him a couple of times!)
When they say marriage is hard work, they weren't kidding! I am hard work, people! Andy has had to make so many adjustments while learning to live with me! The man is a saint! LOL! The more I look back at who I was before and who I am now, I am beyond grateful that God knew me so well that he made my man perfectly suited for my strengths and weaknesses! Talk about a refining fire for Andy!
So here's my list of things I have learned about myself over this past year as a result of our marriage:
1. I had latent Martha Stewart tendencies and they flourished under the right environmental circumstances; marriage. Who knew?! The semi-lazy tomboy in me has faded to the background a bit and Type-A Holly Homemaker has come out in full force!
2. I love to cook! (This is totally separate from the latent Martha Stewart tendency.) I will look at my pantry, see what's available, and produce something I never would have dreamed of making for myself in a million years. But I'll plate it and 9 times out of 10, Andy loves it! (There have been a few food bombs sprinkled throughout the year...which he still eats and, thanks me!)
3. I am more financially responsible that I ever thought possible for myself! Dave Ramsey would label me the nerd of our relationship. I never dreamed that I could manage our finances on any level, let alone manage to keep track of them like I have. Andy and I make quite the team trying to keep everything balanced and juggled as well as we have!
4. There are actual maternal instincts buried deep within me that are moving to the surface. Having Diesel in my life was a definite step in the right direction to having kids. If you can manage to keep a dog alive and healthy then you are headed in the right direction for having a child!
5. Finally, I still have a lot of growing up to do! Who knew!? (Probably my parents!) After being single for so long, I had become very selfish and expected things to be a certain way (my way, of course) and that's just how it worked. That is not the case when you have another person in your life for whom you are responsible. I may not feel like making Andy dinner one night, but he has worked a long shift and probably has not had the opportunity to have a proper meal all day. So I have to put my big-girl panties on and make him dinner b/c he needs it! He depends on me for it and I've committed to take care of him whether that little 5-yr-old in me feels like it that day or not!
Growing pains? Maybe. But here's the thing: I love Andy. I love taking care of him. I love that Yahweh reminds me everyday of the blessing He gave me in Andy. I love that Andy is the kind of man that thanks me for taking care of him. I love that he puts up with the 'crazy'. I love that he makes me smile just thinking about him. I love that he goes to a job everyday (whether he likes his job or not), in order to provide for our family. I am proud to be his wife. I am proud to stand next to him and watch him charm people around him. I am proud of the man he is and the man he's striving to be. I am proud that he longs to have a better relationship with Yahweh and to know Him better.
Andy sharpens me almost everyday and challenges me to be a better person; whether he realizes it or not! Is everything perfect? NOPE! But it sure is interesting! And the more I learn about myself, the more I thank Yahweh for giving me Andy who complements all parts of me; good and bad.
Yahweh is good! All the time! (Even/especially when the 5-yr-old in me is not!)
Please don't judge me! (or Andy, for that matter!) We kinda feel like we missed out on something by not experiencing Isaac firsthand. I know! I know! It's warped. A lot of people, like us, evacuated and were determined to make the best of the situation by considering it a HURRICATION. I mean, Isaac was only supposed to be an interruption in our week. Boy was it not!
I did my normal grocery shopping on Saturday. On Sunday, our pastor mentioned the possibility of having to evacuate. Andy and I were so not prepared for that possibility! Thankfully, Chad coached us on evacuating after the service; he told us to stock up on water, grab a cooler, and fill up the truck just in case we did have to evacuate. Thankfully, due to shopping at Winn Dixie, we had built up some gas credits and wound up saving a $1.05 per gallon of gas (which was over $20 savings)!
We didn't really start packing that day because we had already planned to have friends over for dinner and we decided to honor that time. This was good b/c it was a really great time of fellowship and just hanging out, making new friends.
The next day was a whole new story! The campus administration was trying to determine if they were going to cancel classes, have a mandatory evacuation, or whathaveyou based on the mayor's position and how Isaac was tracking. The rest of us were on pins and needles trying to determine our next move. For Andy and I it boiled down to whether or not his dealership was going to close; if they didn't, we weren't going anywhere. Turns out, Andy came home early that day b/c he was in a lot of pain and they were closing until Thursday. By that time, the seminary had also decided to close until Thursday. Suzanne let me bug out early and the race was on! We had already decided that if we were bugging out (aka: evacuating), that we would leave at 8 p.m. to avoid some traffic. I say 'some' b/c avoiding traffic overall was not a possibility.
Packing quickly became interesting b/c Andy had a pinched nerve in his back and was unable to bend, twist, or move quickly. The poor thing was relegated to resting on a heating pad! If you know me at all, you know that I had my list of things that absolutely had to be done before we left and I made quick work of busting my way through it! Thankfully, I had not had time to do laundry so packing our suitcase only took 5 minutes! LOL! The rest was stuffed into the laundry baskets in the hopes that my mom would let us do laundry (which, of course she did!). Also, even though we expected to be gone for only a few days, we were asked to either take everything with us or get it ready to be disposed of in case of a long-term power failure.
SO, having just grocery shopped, I asked a friend to come over and help me pack up the fridge into our two coolers. Turns out, not a wholly bad idea! I was able to purge some old stuff and clean it out (after we got back, of course!). Props to Isaac for forcing me to clean out my fridge!
In the midst of all of this my knee started to flare up which makes it night impossible to make it up and down three flights of stairs alone, much less carrying anything. Thankfully, I called for backup and they were awesome! I owe Dean, Krissy, and Laura BIG TIME! They hauled everything down for us and then hauled our bikes up so they wouldn't become weapons to wreak havoc. We covered the entertainment center with the comforter, unplugged everything, and left our home for who-knew how long. It was a bit rough for me b/c, although I know things can always be replace, this is our first home. The chances of our things being damaged were minimal b/c we are on the 3rd floor, but Isaac had too many surprises to be sure of anything. So we headed out of campus, topped off the tank, had a quick bite to eat, and headed out on the road into a gorgeous sunset!
They were in a hurry!
The trip up was relatively uneventful, which is a good thing! We passed 3 National Guard convoys headed the other way to help out wherever they were called to help. It was so cool to know that our city was in such good hands (and so many hands!). Andy was only able to manage the 2 hours to Lafayette before his back flared up and we switched. We got to my parents' house at precisely 4 am; one whole hour before we expected to arrive! Mom and I unpacked the coolers while Andy went to lay down. Now you'd think, at this point, we would be completely exhausted and ready to crash, hard. This was not the case! It took us almost 2 hours to fall asleep! OY! Thankfully, my parents were gracious and let us sleep in! The first part of the week was spent resting, watching the weather channel, looking for updates from the campus and Ford, and enjoying having no responsibilities! I even got the opportunity to detail the inside of our XTerra (which was so desperately needed!). Mom and dad took such great care of us and spoiled us with attention and food and LOVE! It was restful and we both got some medical attention we needed as well as time to unwind and relax. Wednesday night, my sweet friend Shellie had come to visit since she was only 2 hours away in Dallas! It was so good to see someone from home! We only had a little time to catch up, but it was sweet and made me realize how much I missed her! Hopefully, we'll be able to follow through with plans for New Years!!!
Mom n me catchin some rays!
By Friday, we were anxiously looking for updates about whether or not it was okay to return, how our friends who'd had stayed were, and what was going on with Veteran's Ford. One of Andy's customers bought a car "from him" that day, even though the dealership wasn't officially open! LOL! (Hey, I'm not complaining! It's income!) We finally decided to head home Sunday morning whether we got the go ahead from the campus or not. We figured the dealership would be open for the Monday holiday and Andy needed to get back to work. Saturday morning we had breakfast at a sweet diner. I had been craving waffles, so I ordered one and got a fun surprise! And then, after a futile first attempt to get their boat in the water, mom and dad
treated us to an afternoon tour of Lake Palestine. Man, it was
beautiful! What a gorgeous place to live! After our afternoon in the refreshing sun and wind, a trip to Dallas was in order to reconnect with Andy's friends Saturday night, James and Stephanie! They treated us to a great Mediterranean dinner and fun was had by all! It did Andy's heart so much good to connect with old friends who are basically family and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them!
(Don't let the picture fool you! He was HUGE!)
The fun continued on the way home after we switched drivers in Canton! I was going along peacefully down the 2-lane road at the speed limit (No, really! It was way too dark to be speeding!) and then, from seemingly nowhere, a Texas hog came trotting across the highway! I actually came within a split-second of hitting him! And to make matters worse, there was an on-coming car I also had to avoid! There had not been a car on the road for quite some time. Andy had fallen asleep so when I jerked to the right, he flew up and kept telling me I was okay and that I'd done great. It scared the bajeebers out of me! Thankfully, we'd made it home safely and without further incident!
The next morning we got up 'early' and repacked the coolers, the truck, our freshly cleaned laundry (THANKS, MOM!!!), and new stack of books (THANKS, DAD!!!). It was tougher than I thought it would be to say good-bye. We had thoroughly enjoyed our time with them, but were anxious to get home and get back to work...but, I hate saying goodbye to my parents! I know, I'm a baby. Correction: I am the baby, so it's okay for me! ;)
It got much worse!
Andy drove the whole way home and the only detour we had to take was already planned due to the flooding in La Place (west of the city). We ended up taking the north route to the North Shore and came down on the Causeway. It was relatively uneventful except for the love bug massacre that was taking place all around us. We had to pull over at one point to wash the windshield b/c Andy could barely see out it anymore! Then it started to rain right along with the bugs! So for a short time we had water and bugs slapping into the windshield! LOL! The trip over the Causeway was eerie b/c we only saw one boat on the ENTIRE lake! The water was riddled with tree debris, but it was so placid that it was just surreal. I've never seen a lake that large be so flat; especially in the middle. A quick tour of some of our surrounding neighborhoods showed mostly tree debris being collected or trees being mulched b/c they had been uprooted. The same was true for the campus. There were shutters ripped off, several large trees had fallen, and there was tree debris everywhere but the power was back on and we were good to move back in!
Security hazard for the campus...
All in all, it wasn't a bad experience! But then, we didn't stay to ride it out. Many of our friends and neighbors lost part if not all of the food from the power outage. There were at least 3 deaths related to Isaac. Hundreds of thousands were without power for days. Hundreds of people lost everything. We feel blessed to only have lost a week of work and part of our food. This was an adventure we hope we don't have to repeat too many times, and we are thankful that both of our parents were able to support us and that our friends and family were praying us through the week!
After
a lot of down time in these weeks before school starts, I have been contemplating the last year of my
life, actually our lives, and trying to determine what to make of the
whole thing.
Andy
and I had, what could be referred to as a ‘whirlwind’ romance! We met on the
Sunday before I was headed to NOLA for Preview Weekend to determine if the
seminary was really God’s calling for me (which it was). Almost immediately, he
was looking for jobs in the NOLA area. By Saturday he’d asked me to officially
be his girlfriend. When I came home the following Tuesday, I was standing
in Louis Armstrong Airport with my mom terrified that he might have built me up
in his head and when he saw me, he’d change his mind altogether. Mom assured me
that if this was the man God intended for me, that I would know b/c that’s what
I’d asked Him for; calm assurance. Sure enough, he picked me up at BWI
and whisked me off to dinner at a cute little Italian restaurant in Baltimore.
As I was looking at him from across the table, I knew. I knew with calm assurance
that I was going to marry this man. Two weeks later, we were in La Madeleine
and the subject came up. At that point, we both knew and started to decide how
it could work with my move to NOLA. And the rest was CAH-RAZY!
My folks had invited him to visit on my trip to TX to store some of my things
at their house and ‘transfer custody’ of my baby, Diesel. He worked out some
crazy schedule, used up all his leave time, and we were off to TX.
It
has been said that a good test for a relationship is to take a long distance
road trip together; if you survive that, you’ll probably make it! We had a
blast! It was a great time of teamwork and getting to know each other
better. After receiving my dad’s blessing (and coming home with the
wedding retinue purchased, courtesy of my parents!), we were well on our way.
Two weeks later, Andy asked me to go to the Nationals vs. Orioles’ game and
proposed to me during the 7th inning stretch! He was so excited that
the ring literally jumped out of the case! This was the start of a
pretty amazing sprint for wedding planning. We found an awesome venue
(Thanks Celebrations at the Bay!) that took care of most of the details with
only 2 visits required from us to handle details. My close friend,
Shellie, was my indispensable wing woman with all the rest! My oldest sister
found the bridesmaid dresses, Andy’s guys outfits were super simple, and our
parents found their own outfits based from our vague “whatever you’re
comfortable in” instructions. (Although, I did find out that my oldest niece
found my mom’s dress. Thanks Dee!) Two of my
closest friends in Idaho agreed
to come out and photograph the wedding and reception (b/c Jill and Deborah
rock!). And most of my sisters and best friend were my bridesmaids. It
was so crazy close that we could not expect to have all of our family and
long-distance friends there, but we were so excited for the people who could
come!
Most
of the week of the wedding is now a blur b/c we were not only receiving
out-of-town guests and family; we were also attempting to pack up all of our
worldly possessions for the move (which proved to be harrowing!), arrange for
transport for our bicycles, Andy’s motorcycle, and Andy’s Camaro (which was
taken to FL by Andy’s parents on an auto train b/c they were so AWESOME to
store it for us for awhile, Thanks Bob and Jill!). In addition to ‘move
packing’ we had to pack for our honeymoon and try to say good-bye to all of our
friends and family we were leaving in MD.
Our
wedding day was perfect! It was exactly what we wanted (okay, minus +100 deg weather) and, with only a few minor
exceptions, it went off without a hitch! We loaded up into the town car and
were whisked off to our hotel in DC where we would try to get some rest before
our early flight to Maui the next morning!
Our
two weeks in Maui were also perfect! We snorkeled, drove
all over the countryside, shopped, took a catamaran cruise, swam in the ocean,
I overcame my fear of heights by zip-lining, saw Uncle Willie K in concert, ate
A LOT of good food, visited a beautiful lavender farm, drove to the top of Mt.
Wannahockaloogie (actually, I think it’s Haleakala), and generally just enjoyed
being together! It ended with a trip to Lubbock
to celebrate our niece and new nephew’s, Dee and Drew, wedding! Which then became
a trip to Flint to pick up our
trucks from my parent’s (who so AMAZINGLY offered to drive them from MD so we
could maximize our two-week honeymoon, thanks Mom and Dad!). We opened gifts
and then packed up our suitcases and headed down to NOLA for yet another
adventure of unpacking into our new apartment.
I
was the first to arrive in the apartment and I have to confess…I cried! It was
SO SMALL and it was not at all like the schematics that were online!
Thankfully, my parents stayed for a few days and helped us move in as much as
they could. Actually, I should say they helped Andy as much as
they could b/c I was off to Orientation and all of the business of becoming a
new student. A few weeks after we got here, Andy got a job as a lineman at
the local airport and, for awhile, had fun being part of an environment with
which he was familiar in the Air Force! He got to see a lot of big named people
come through and hang out with some military pilots that passed through during
training exercises.
My
first semester was pretty incredible! I was taking Old Testament Survey,
Adolescent Psychology, History of Christianity-Reformation to Modern, and
Spiritual Formations.This was a
relatively reasonable start to my Masters education.I was challenged in my knowledge of the Bible
like I have never been before! (Which was why I came here in the first place!)
My OT professor, Dr. England,
pushed me harder than I’ve ever been pushed academically and spiritually!! He
gave some of his class time and some of his office time to help me walk a bit
more thoroughly through what I was learning and test my previous, error-filled
theology.My mentor, Dr. Jackson, opened
my eyes to some of my own family dynamics and personal development in AdPsych.
It was kinda cool to learn how birth order can affect a teenagers personality
and how most of it doesn’t apply to me because I am an only, youngest, and
middle child all-in-one!My favorite
part of that semester was coming home and sharing everything I was learning
with Andy!!! I would be reading something in a textbook and then question him
about his view or ask for clarification on a construct with which I was
struggling; 2 hours later I had to force myself to get back to my reading so I
was prepared for class the next day!
We
were blessed to have a visit from both sets of parents during the fall break
and I got the benefit of my dad and Bob reading through my OT mid-term and
helping me to ensure they were coherent! LOL! Thanksgiving was with my parents
and little brother and his family in TX! (We also got to visit our groomsman,
Chris Kissell, in Dallas for
awhile!) We also got to Christmas came quickly and we got to celebrate with Andy’s
folks again. It’s always fun to figure out the holidays during your first year
of marriage! Each person comes to the relationship with traditions and
preferences and the joy (or frustration, whichever way you choose to handle
it!) is in blending the two and/or coming up with your own traditions! Andy and I had fun with it!Adding to the fun was spending New Years with
our neighbor friends, Garth and Lori! What a way to bring in the New Year!
I
had the privilege of working for Dr. Jackson during the Youth Ministry Institute
Conference in January as his note-taker. What a great opportunity to listen to
a variety of speakers whose love of teenagers was readily apparent in
everything they AND to make a new friend!
Mary Margaret was such a blessing to me going into my spring semester and an
EXCELLENT walking partner! Speaking of the new semester, I took Hermeneutics, Youth
Culture, History of Christianity: Early Church to Reformation, and Spiritual
Formations 2. This was a much harder semester because I was being pushed a bit
further in my understanding of how to study the Bible. Also, my theology was
tested and stretched! It is amazing how much I thought I knew about the Bible,
God, and all things related to the two. I am humbled by my arrogance.It challenged my understanding of God’s grace
and discipline, as well as pushed me to overcome some long-held untruths about
God’s relationship with man.By the end
of the semester I was emotionally and spiritually drained; but not in a bad
way! Mostly in the sense that I needed a break! LOL!
I
had already decided not to take summer courses as a result of that need for a
break and it turned out to be a good decision because Andy was unexpectedly
fired from his job at the beginning of the summer! There was no warning and
seemingly no provocation; which, as it turns out, is not necessary in LA
because it is an ‘at-will’ state. WHO KNEW?! Thankfully, after a day or two
spent online applying for jobs and submitting his resume at various locations,
Andy remembered a contact he’d made at a local FORD
dealership. After sending him home to talk to me about the hours and ensuring I
would be okay with the long hours, Andy accepted the position as a salesman! He
finished his training in under 6 days (which was a record), and has been
learning his new trade over the summer.While it has its ups and downs, he seems to enjoy meeting new people all
the time.It has a taken a LOT to adjust
to an unpredictable paycheck, no income for the first month, trying to catch up
on overdue bills, and learning to live with much less than we have had to so
far. But Yahweh has been faithful, our families have been faithful, and we have striven (with difficulty at times) to remain faithful to this new
lifestyle.
It
looked like this strain would mean me not being able to take classes this
semester, but Yahweh provided in HUGE ways this summer and has made it possible
for me to register for classes and not have an unmanageable bill every month!
Praise Him!!
And
so, I begin this semester with much excitement and a little nervousness!!!Yahweh is good and he proves himself to be
trustworthy and able to care for all my needs, and sometimes my wants, no
matter how much I worry.
We're on Spring Break. You'd think this would be a "WOOHOO!! Spring BREAK!!" kind of break but it hasn't been. I've been in a funk for over a week now and I've considered it to be a bad thing until I did some thinking in the last 2 days. It seems that when I walk away from my History of Early Christianity and Biblical Hermeneutics classes I am leaving with more questions than answers. When I go through the readings for both of them I am caught (most of the time) in the intricacies of things I've never thought of before, and have never been challenged on before. Now I feel as though I'm questioning everything as though I'm a new believer in Christ. This has been a bit unsettling since I've been a believer for most of my life. Sadly, I haven't asked, nor have I been asked few of the questions I am now pondering.
At times, they make my head spin because the answers seem so circular. At one point a few weeks ago I was even questioning my faith. Thankfully, a long and blunt conversation with Dr. England cleared that up for me. As I have pondered some of my questions over the past few days, it finally hit me: I have no answers right now. If a lost person were to ask me these questions, I would have no response! That's scary! Me. A lifelong believer. And I have no answers...yet. The fun part about being here and having such open access to scholars like my professors is that they are willing to give up their time (yes, sometimes their class time) to address such questions in order for us to be stronger and more confident in what we believe. This is not a bad thing. Coming away with more questions just means there's more I have to learn. It means that for the first time in a long time or maybe ever, this lifelong believer is being pushed to ponder the hard questions and learning to defend what she believes.
So here are some of my ponderings over the past few months (in particular order of urgency):
- Was Jesus really a rabbi or was that a moniker given to him because of his apparent wisdom?
- As New Testament Christians, are we supposed to continue following the Torah? Not the sacrifices, because those were made obsolete with Christ's sacrifice. If we are, why aren't we doing it? If we aren't doing it, does that mean we are deliberately or unintentionally disobeying God?
- If we have been disobeying God by not following Torah, why would he allow this to continue for over 2,000 years? Is this the God we love and worship and serve?
- Does the modern, or post-modern, church perform the Lord's Supper as Jesus intended it?
Shouldn't it look more like the Passover meal? Or was it only using elements of the
Passover Meal?
- Why do we meet every week at a building en masse? Shouldn't we be meeting in smaller
groups regularly and then only come to 'the church' once a quarter or twice a year? (Simply
looking at the early church and how they functioned.) Have we lost some of the salience of
experiencing God on a corporate level because we simply "do" church every week?
- Which Bible should we be reading: the Hebrew Bible (which is to be organized more
cohesively and chronologically) or the "regular" Bible (the one we have always read)?
So. Yeah. Some heavy stuff in there, but the good thing is that I do have answers to some of them. The rest....well, it's a work in progress.
As Dr. England has taught me from the very first day of Old Testament Survey, "What does the text say?" So, my search continues in God's word and with the help of Andy and some verrrry helpful professors!
In the last two weeks I've asked two professors if I could meet with them to calm some fears and concerns I've been having.
One was with my mentor, Dr. Allen Jackson, and the other was Dr. Archie England. Dr. Jackson in the guy in Student Ministry and Dr. England is an Old Testament and Hebrew professor. These two men have had such a profound effect on my personal and spiritual life and it's difficult to explain how much I value their insights and knowledge.
In a way, I think I needed someone I respect as a spiritual leader to tell me it was okay (or, give me permission) for my heart to be devoted to Andy right now and to learn how to serve him as his new wife. I have spent my entire adult life serving my own needs and serving the church through student ministry. It absorbed every part of my heart and it was enjoyable to strive to teach teenagers about Christ and the plan he has for their lives.
But, after meeting Andy, I found my heart divided for the first time and felt guilty that I couldn't wait for youth activities to be over so I could spend time with him. Then, when we moved to NOLA and I found myself not wanting to serve in the church right away, I felt guilty for not serving in the church. I shared my concerns with Dr. Jackson and he assured me that it was perfectly normal for my heart to be devoted to my husband; that's how God designed marriage! This season in our lives is about learning to be one where before, we were two. That is a monumental task in of itself! Dr. J assured me that my heart was in the right place and that, when I was ready, my heart would be nudged at to serve again. What's cool is that I am learning my priorities as a person devoted to serving Christ: God > Husband > Church...in that order.
My second conversation with Dr. England was this afternoon and it dispelled a lot of questions that have arisen during conversations with Andy. Probably for the first time in my adult life, I am being pushed to think about aspects of my faith that I have never ventured to even consider or never dared to question before. In all honesty, my faith was a bit shaken this week when these questions arose; but Dr. England was readily available to help me wade through them and work my way back to the truth. The fun part was realizing that I knew more than I thought I did about each question but I had gotten so caught up in the emotion of it all, that the knowledge was put on the back burner.
Through the course of our conversation Dr. England repeatedly reminded me to "Go back to the text. What does the text say?" And we did; we repeatedly dug in the Word to discover what God said about each concern. It was very comforting to read God's word in such a manner!
As a result of my training in church history, Old Testament Survey, and my relationships with these two godly men I am beginning to grasp "the big picture" that is this life in Christ. It is static, ever-changing, fluid, and messy. But I am taking comfort in the knowledge that I have absolute truth in God's holy word. No matter my situations, he has given me direction and stability in him and his son, Jesus. THAT is my comfort. THAT is my point of reference. Anytime I look elsewhere, I sink (much like Peter!). When I set my eyes on Jesus and look to his word for guidance,I will never be swayed. May I never lose sight of that!
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