Oh, the things I've learned!

Everyone should get married! LOL! Just kidding...seriously, though! You think you have your life figured out and a good sense of self as you go along through life and then you get married...BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE! It's like taking a stroll through the DSM IV and learning that you have Dissociative Identity Disorder!!

Dissociative identity disorder (DID), also known as multiple personality disorder, is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person's behavior, and is accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

Let me just tell you! I am no stranger to this ailment! On one hand I am a rational, confident, intelligent woman. And then, in the blink of an eye, I turn into this irrational, insecure, whiny, petulant 5-yr-old who insists on getting her way no matter the cost to the people around her.  (I refer to her in 3rd person b/c I refuse to accept her as a true part of me!)  My family would probably disagree with me, but I like to think that the first one is my true personality and the other is some by-product of not getting enough rest!

In all sincerity, I recognize that the 5-yr-old is a part of me and she does not know how to rationalize and gets her feelings hurt very easily and it has taken quite the learning curve to talk her out her tantrums at times! When she gets worked up b/c of some perceived slight or she's tired or b/c something didn't go her way, she can turn into this little ball of venomous acid that festers in my heart and comes out in one of two forms: a raging maniac spewing her venom at whomever may be in her path (usually, Andy), or the ice queen who shuts everyone one out and freezes anyone who comes into contact with her (usually, Andy).  NOT GOOD, people! NOT GOOD!  I am blessed to have a husband who is so patient with me and understands me enough to give me space when I'm working to calm her down and the armor in place to withstand her when she lashes out or freezes him out. (Thankfully, I'm able to talk her down 98% of the time and she's only unleashed one him a couple of times!)

When they say marriage is hard work, they weren't kidding! I am hard work, people! Andy has had to make so many adjustments while learning to live with me! The man is a saint! LOL!  The more I look back at who I was before and who I am now, I am beyond grateful that God knew me so well that he made my man perfectly suited for my strengths and weaknesses! Talk about a refining fire for Andy!

So here's my list of things I have learned about myself over this past year as a result of our marriage:

1. I had latent Martha Stewart tendencies and they flourished under the right environmental circumstances; marriage. Who knew?! The semi-lazy tomboy in me has faded to the background a bit and Type-A Holly Homemaker has come out in full force!

2. I love to cook! (This is totally separate from the latent Martha Stewart tendency.)  I will look at my pantry, see what's available, and produce something I never would have dreamed of making for myself in a million years.  But I'll plate it and 9 times out of 10, Andy loves it! (There have been a few food bombs sprinkled throughout the year...which he still eats and, thanks me!)

3. I am more financially responsible that I ever thought possible for myself!  Dave Ramsey would label me the nerd of our relationship.  I never dreamed that I could manage our finances on any level, let alone manage to keep track of them like I have. Andy and I make quite the team trying to keep everything balanced and juggled as well as we have!

4. There are actual maternal instincts buried deep within me that are moving to the surface.  Having Diesel in my life was a definite step in the right direction to having kids. If you can manage to keep a dog alive and healthy then you are headed in the right direction for having a child!

5. Finally, I still have a lot of growing up to do! Who knew!? (Probably my parents!)  After being single for so long, I had become very selfish and expected things to be a certain way (my way, of course) and that's just how it worked. That is not the case when you have another person in your life for whom you are responsible.  I may not feel like making Andy dinner one night, but he has worked a long shift and probably has not had the opportunity to have a proper meal all day. So I have to put my big-girl panties on and make him dinner b/c he needs it!  He depends on me for it and I've committed to take care of him whether that little 5-yr-old in me feels like it that day or not!

Growing pains? Maybe. But here's the thing: I love Andy.  I love taking care of him.  I love that Yahweh reminds me everyday of the blessing He gave me in Andy.  I love that Andy is the kind of man that thanks me for taking care of him.  I love that he puts up with the 'crazy'.  I love that he makes me smile just thinking about him.  I love that he goes to a job everyday (whether he likes his job or not), in order to provide for our family.  I am proud to be his wife. I am proud to stand next to him and watch him charm people around him.  I am proud of the man he is and the man he's striving to be.  I am proud that he longs to have a better relationship with Yahweh and to know Him better.

Andy sharpens me almost everyday and challenges me to be a better person; whether he realizes it or not! Is everything perfect? NOPE! But it sure is interesting! And the more I learn about myself, the more I thank Yahweh for giving me Andy who complements all parts of me; good and bad.

Yahweh is good! All the time! (Even/especially when the 5-yr-old in me is not!)