Vague-much?
Background:
When my brother died almost 7 years ago (SEVEN YEARS?! wow. Time has really flown.), it was in the aftermath of the death of a very close friend. After the initial numbness wore off, I was not a little angry at God and essentially told Him that He could take His 'religion' along with His 'calling' for my life and shove it. I'd had enough. He was taking every significant man from my life and I'd had enough.
Gone were my natural tendencies for optimism and trust. Gone were my desires to pursue God with every fiber of my being. The new norms were fatalism, fear, and anxiety.
A few months later, my dad got sick and almost died. At that point I very much told God that if He took my dad, we were through. Period.
After all, I had been a 'good girl' my whole life. I was obedient, compliant, pleasant, did what was asked of me, and lived my life for Him with abandon! Hadn't I earned the right to not have so much pain and loss in my life?
Bad, bad theology.
Thankfully, He truly is a loving God and demonstrated to me just how much He loves His children and how hard He pursues us through how staunchly my Idaho friends pursued me. They lovingly pushed me back to church, back to fellowship with other believers, back to the Word of God, and they held my hand (and sometimes my head) as I waded through my grief/anger.
I carried my anger for a long time and eventually came to the conclusion that I must have done something pretty bad for God to take away so many people from me.
Bad, bad theology.
This past spring I took the class "Death, Loss, & Grief" withDr. Bozeman, a trusted professor and friend. One day she said something so profound that it changed my whole life and my relationship with God. Ready for it?
"Everybody dies."
I know, I know. That's blunt and not a little harsh, but the reality is harsh. We live in a broken, fallen world and it is because of this that everyone dies. Michael died because he got sick. Jay died in a car accident. Everybody dies.
It is not vengeance. Or punishment.
Okay, a slight FAST FORWARD:
Today is a new day and marked the beginning of my third year here at NOBTS (THREE YEARS!! WHOA!). I am so excited about this year, because it's one step closer to graduation and each semester has held new things for me. Each year has had a 'theme' of some sort.
Year #1 - Learn to be married! Yeah. Who knew? It doesn't come naturally! It's work. Hard work. Rewarding work. In marriage, every day you have to choose to die to self and surrender your spouse to God. You have to surrender your relationship with them to God. You have to choose to remember what brought you together and rejoice in that. You have to choose to put their needs ahead of your own. This is not carte blanche to become a doormat. This is a choice to daily put someone else before yourself in order to glorify God.
Andy was my gift from Jehovah-Jireh (God the Provider). He was the answer to a prayer I prayed for 12 years. He is not perfect. But he is a daily reminder that God is faithful and He loves me.
Year #2 - Heal. "Oh, my child. I got you." I cannot even begin to describe the 'stuff' that Jehovah Rapha (God the Healer) has been working on in me this year. He knew exactly where I was hurting, old wounds that had never quite healed, and pain that had been shoved down deep for too long. He knew, and He went there with me...He went there and opened those wounds (some I had not even been aware of). He brought Andy along on some of them; but mostly He brought me through them and began the work of healing them.
Am I completely whole? NAH! He didn't decide to bring me all the way Home yet. I still have work to do. I still struggle with anxiety and fear. I still have moments of doubt that Jehovah-Jireh, my Provider, is going to continue to hold me and guide me. But oh, the joy that fills my soul when I look at my 'scars' and remember what He has brought me through.
Year #3 - What does this year bring? I don't know yet, but I'm excited!
BACK to the PRESENT
Which is what brings me to chapel today and the whole point of this post! (You thought I forgot, didn't you! ;))
Dr. Lemke read from James 3 today and, though I've probably read this passage a dozen times, something really stood out to me! Check this out!
"Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so." James 3:1-10
This passage was directed to any Christian who might become a teacher. Our tongues (no, not our physical tongues...rather, our words) are a powerful weapon! They can be used to tear down or to build up. They can magnify God and honor Him or they can dishonor Him. Just a simple word.
(Here's where I tie it all together!)
What a challenge for me! I have been teetering on the borderline of cynicism and apathy lately. There is so much negative going on in the world, our country, in New Orleans, and even right here on our campus that it has been really easy to lose myself to the negative! And with email, texting, Facebook, my blog, etc. available to me as an easy-access venue to spread whatever message comes to mind, my previous tendencies toward negativity have re-emerged over the summer.
I found myself not caring about things or people as much as before. I found myself dwelling on the negatives in people instead of trying to see them as God sees them. I found myself dwelling on myself. A lot.
And that is dangerous.
This became very apparent to me from a simple reading of Scripture this morning.
So simple.
I can use my function as 'teacher' (in whatever capacity I am serving as a leader/teacher right now) to either build people up, glorify God, and share His word.
Or I can use them to tear down, belittle, mock, and vent whenever I'm offended or slighted.
Being the leader that Creator God made me, it is upon me to weigh my words...in whatever form I use them...BEFORE I use them.
To borrow the acronym from www.mygirltalk.org:
Is what I am saying, texting or typing:
True
Helpful
Important
Necessary
Kind?
And I would add, "Does it glorify God?" If it does not, then I do not need to say it.My prayer is that by filtering my words through this lens, I can more readily follow Paul's admonition:
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