A change?

This Sunday, our pastor preached on the brokenness of communities, families, and individuals. His premise was that this brokenness is merely symptomatic of a problem with the heart (Mark 7). This heart problem begins with the individual and our sin natures. In our base natures we are selfish, vain, lazy, and self-seeking.  He read in Deuteronomy 11 about the phylacteries used in Judaism to carry out the command to have our lives completely surrounded with the commands of God  by binding them on our arms and our heads and to teach them to our children.  Scripture should be such a part of our lives that we are constantly thinking of God's commands and his promises.  Chad's powerful, but not judgmental, charge to the men of the church was the responsibility of leading their families in true Biblical meditation (filling our minds with God's word, not emptying them completely as taught in Eastern mediation). Psalm 1 tells us what this looks like; thinking about God's word day and night. When we do this, they remain on our hearts and minds even when do not have the physical scriptures in hand.  At the closing of the service, he opened the altar for response from the people to come forward and pray for God's guidance, conviction to meditate, and to render our hearts to God in order to be closer to him.

In obedience to what God was impressing upon his heart, Andy took my hand and we went forward and prayed together for God to lead our home and instill within us this desire to read his word, to meditate on it, and to make it such a part of our lives that we cannot live out our lives without spending time with him. God spoke through Chad to us as a couple by saying, "maybe it's that you are struggling as a couple for loving the things of this world instead of Jesus"; "maybe it's that you are feeling lead to serve in the church and you want to ask God for leading on that". As we went forward I was moved by Andy's willingness to humble himself and ask all of that from God.

The lingering movement in my soul through this sermon was anunexpected answer to prayer that God has gifted to me.  I have longed to return to that life of soaking in God's word and letting it settle into my bones.  Since my brother's death, my heart has been through a meat grinder and the result has been a hodgepodge of existence in which I struggle to even have a prayer life with my Savior, much less soaking in his word.  I virtually coined the phrase 'I want to want to study, but it's just not there!' but the drive seemed to have disappeared. But in my further reading of The Me I Want to Be by Foster, I am learning that striving and trying to do this on my own is impossible.  I do not have the willpower to exercise, have a quiet time, eat right, or even socialize with strangers (a big fear of mine) unless God is accomplishing it through me.  Not my willpower, but HIS power. This is the reason for my consistent failure in this area of my life. 

So my prayer this week (and from this point forward) has been that God would move my heart to the point that I need to be with him everyday. That Andy needs to be with him everyday.  I cannot imagine a day spent without Andy in my life anymore.  My prayer is that my desire for God's presence in my life is infinitely more so.

With that in mind, my assignment for Spiritual Formations for the spring is to choose a spiritual discipline I will be concentrating on and form a plan to develop it.  In light of Sundays events, I chose Bible study.  My focus will be on the book of Philemon because a friends recently told me that she had done a study in that book and had never realized the 'meat' that was in it.  I prayed about it and feel the Lord's leading as such, so for the next few months I will be studying and memorizing Philemon.  I'm kinda excited about it!

Please pray for my heart and I endeavor on this adventure as I am sure the Enemy will be certain to attempt sabotage.  Pray for Andy on his own journey of discovering Scriptures influence in his heart and life as well as leading our family.

Note: If you want to hear the sermon, it's available online http://sermon.net/edgewater.