This weekend was the NOBTS Women's Conference! It happens every year in the fall and this year the speaker was Rachel Lovingood (yeah, that's her real name!). I was really hesitant to go because I've never been very comfortable attending events specifically oriented to women (especially if I don't really know anyone). As it turned out, I knew about 6 people there but they were all working it so that meant that I had to scout out a place to sit and camp for the weekend with complete strangers. This is the dreaded "cafeteria scenario" most of us experienced in grade school at the start of a new year or our first day in a new school. You know the scene: you've gotten your lunch tray (or worse, you brought a sack lunch from home) and you've entered the gauntlet of pre-determined territories; unsure of what social sin you could commit be approaching any given table. You have one of 4 choices: #1- err on the side of choosing the 'cool' table, #2- mistakenly choose a neutral table, where most of the misfits are already sitting, #3- sit at the only empty table with your back to the room as if to say, "I don't need any of you!", or #4- ducking out the side door and eating your lunch on the lawn (or worse, in the bathroom!).
Quick side note: This may come as a surprise to most people, but I am painfully shy when it comes to entering a new situation and meeting new people. Any other time in my life, I'm outgoing (almost a bit too much at times) and when I'm in my 'professional mode' I can meet the dickens out of anyone! But when it comes to an informal setting, a party, or visiting a church I am Wendy Wallflower. You'd think with my military-brat background that I would be used to meeting new people! Here's the catch, I have lived in only 2 places for the last 20 years (with only a 3 month exception in Seattle)! I got comfortable....I knew everyone and everyone knew me.... so the skill of meeting new people was almost unnecessary. I mean, if someone new did show up I had a buffer of knowing the person they knew or my more forward friends would speak to them first. Andy has kinda been that for me in NOLA, but we're not attached at the hip and he certainly wasn't coming to a ladies conference!
Thankfully, Dr. Judi Jackson (a professor here at the seminary and the wife of my advisor) approached me and directed me to a table filled with women...right at the front of the room! As it turns out, the seminary president's wife, the conference speaker, the SBC women's ministry director, a Leavell family member (an historically significant family here at NOBTS), and another guest speaker were all at my table. Yeah, no intimidation factor there! Despite my timidity, I had a great time. Despite my nervous attempts at conversation, I connected with some of these great women. Despite my reservations about coming in the first place, God met me there and blessed me tremendously!
The worship was sweet and tender; it actually brought tears to my eyes, which hasn't happened in a long time. Though the crafts were silly, I sorta saw why they put that in the program. Working on a hands-on activity had a way of bonding the women at each table and broke down some of the potential barriers. And listening to Rachel delivery the message God gave her to give to us was....well 'rich' seems to be the only word that comes to my mind. She was dynamic, funny, genuine, and it was just a joy to absorb her every word. While other women around me were feverishly taking notes on about everything she said, I sat there absorbing it. I couldn't bring myself to write anything down b/c I didn't want to miss any nuance of what she had to offer.
This morning proved to be no different. I made sure I had my strong Kona coffee in my travel mug and snacked on the continental breakfast they offered. I asked for a willing, open heart and God met me there again. I know, surprise! The funny thing was, the rest of my table had not! I was sitting alone! Rachel was speaking and Judi came to sit at the table, but that was it! Thankfully, after a pause, my pal Melissa came over and sat next to me. I cannot express how much good that did for my heart...it was the empty table in the grade school cafeteria all over again!
God used Melissa to speak into my heart and open my mind about some really neat stuff....the Bible says we are to take every thought captive. This means that I every time I speak negative things that I am thinking about a situation or about myself, I am not taking my thoughts captive and this potentially leads to sin. WHOA! I mean, WHOA! That alone would have made the entire weekend worth it, but what God sent me home with today from Rachel's message was:
1. I need to change how I view and manage my time.
> For me, this means not filling my calendar with everything I need and want to do and then asking God to bless it. It means opening up my calendar and giving God every day; asking God how he wants me to spend it.
2. I need to challenge myself spiritually.
> For me, this means that NOTHING should come between me and my time with God. Not Andy, not my tasks for the day, not my selfish wants, NOTHING.
3. I need to choose to be courageous.
> For me, this means I need to (#1) actively seek out a prayer partner and (#2) to not continue to allow myself to get in the way when God's trying to do something in my life (like having me sit at a table full of impressive women of God or sitting at a table all alone).
Well worth the nominal cost and potential bruise to my ego. God is so cool. You know? I hate that I underestimate what he's capable of, but hey, that's what makes me human and he loves me anyway!
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